Dangerous Gaslighting signs women should not ignore in intimate relationships.

Gaslighting leads to sadness and isolation

Last week, a girlfriend of mine called me in a panic, asking me what she should do about her intimate relationship with this new guy. A heated psychotic conversation over lunch with the man she had just started dating left her so afraid for her safety that she rushed to hide the knives in her kitchen and devised plans to lock her unlockable bedroom door in the evening. She needed to take these drastic measures because the way the man lied about simple conversations they had previously, the distortion of the truth and reality, and the way he blamed her for his shortcomings left her feeling insane within a very short period of time. All the signs about this guy were pointing to psychopathic behaviour. Still, she didn't know how or if his psychological manipulation would or could escalate to something more sinister.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group manipulates another individual's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from psychology and is derived from a 1944 play titled 'Gas Light' (also known as 'Angel Street') written by Patrick Hamilton. The play and subsequent movie, where a husband endeavours to convince his wife that she is going insane by manipulating her environment and denying any changes or events that happened. Gaslighting techniques may include lies, distortion of facts, withholding of information, trivialising concerns, or denying previous statements or actions to gain power or control over the other person, which is often the woman. It can occur in various relationships, including romantic partnerships, family dynamics, friendships, or workplace interactions.

Gaslighting in romantic relationships often starts subtly and gradually, making it essential to be aware of the early signs. These are dangerous Gaslighting signs women should not ignore in intimate relationships.

1. Dismissing or invalidating your feelings: The gaslighter may downplay or belittle your emotions, making you question the validity of your feelings. They may try to rush you to make decisions.

2. Constant contradiction: They frequently contradict or deny previous statements, causing confusion and making you doubt your memory.

3. Withholding information: They selectively withhold information or deny events to make you doubt your perception of reality.

4. Sowing doubt in your memory: They consistently challenge your recollection of events, leading you to question your memory and judgment.

5. Blaming and shifting responsibility: Gaslighters often shift blame onto you, making you feel guilty or responsible for their actions, even if it's unreasonable.

6. Making you question your sanity: They might suggest that you are overly sensitive, dramatic, irrational, or unstable, leading you to examine your mind and mental well-being. They may try to confuse you by turning facts into opinions or opinions as facts to serve their arguments.

7. Isolating you from support systems: Gaslighters may try to isolate you from friends, family, or other sources of support, making you more dependent on them and their narrative.

8. Creating a power imbalance: They attempt to establish control by making decisions, exerting power, or refusing to acknowledge your needs or boundaries.

It's important to note that gaslighting can escalate and become more intense over time. While gaslighting primarily involves psychological manipulation to undermine a person's perception of reality, it can sometimes escalate into physical threats or violence. It's essential to recognise that each situation is unique, and the severity or progression of gaslighting tactics can vary widely.

In some cases, gaslighting can create an environment of fear or intimidation that may lead to physical harm. Gaslighters may use threats, intimidation, or physical aggression to maintain control over their victims. These instances must be taken seriously and promptly addressed by seeking help from authorities or trusted support systems.

If you notice these signs in your relationship, it is crucial to seek support immediately. Gaslighters may not take no for an answer, so they may push back if you try to set boundaries. Moreover, if you feel threatened physically or fear for your safety in a gaslighting relationship, it's crucial to prioritise your well-being and safety. Reach out to friends, family, local support services, or helplines specialising in domestic violence or abuse to seek assistance and guidance on how to protect yourself. Getting out of the relationship quietly, quickly and safely and considering professional help if needed is crucial.

Author: L J Louis, an aspiring lawyer, writer, foodie, mother, and women's advocate with a double-major degree in psychology and criminology and a Bachelor of Law(Hons LLB) degree from a top Russell Group University in England and Wales.

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