The Danger of Never Complain, Never Explain
If you haven’t been living under a rock, you have heard of this motto attributed to the late Queen Elizabeth II, ‘Never complain, never explain’. Young people may have become acquainted with the slogan after Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey. At the outset of hearing the motto, there may be a ring of resiliency, self-reliance and discretion. However, for our society's sanctity, the British people should try to decondition themselves from this slogan. Because the motto is deeply politically motivated and dangerous to our culture and personal wellbeing for many reasons. Conditioning a population to follow the credo of 'never complain, never explain' is harmful to society and individual outcomes. But how does this motto become the Royal family's, especially the late Queen's, according to the media?
Although the phrase 'never complain, never explain' is often attributed to British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli during the Victorian era, there's no concrete evidence that he ever uttered or wrote those exact words. However, one of the more notable associations of the phrase with the royal family is with Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother. She reportedly adopted this approach, particularly during times of media scrutiny, and it is believed that she passed this philosophy on to her daughter, Queen Elizabeth II.
Fast forward to the more recent royals, the media dehumanized and savagely dismantled Prince Harry and Meghan Markle for shedding light on what could be perceived as familial abuse, discrimination, unconscious bias and a reluctance to protect them against media abuse that led to Meghan's suicidal ideation. The media made it known that the couple should have never complained and never explained their grievances to the public - as per the Queen's motto; simultaneously, they were abused in the press for leaving and being made the villain until they complained and explained. Then, the whole world became aware of the truth. We knew Some of this truth from Prince Diana. Yet, we forget - the media, in tandem with Charles, brainwashed the public with constant propaganda of a perfect family, so we forget. While some sections of the media went on a bizarre character assassination of the couple for coming out and defending themselves, what kind of impact could the media's scrutiny of someone who speaks against abuse have on young people who may be experiencing similar or different abuse? Would they come forward? Likely not. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are not believed and experience further abuse by the press and commentators; what can the average person expect? The most popular motto the press cited for their dissatisfaction with Meghan and Harry speaking out against dangerous behaviours within the family is 'never complain, never explain'.
This is a dangerous message to send to a child or a person going through abuse within their family or at the hands of someone they know. However, the enormous implication on society largely dates back to colonization and political power-hungry men.
Here is a breakdown of how conditioning a population to follow the credo of 'never complain, never explain' harms society and individual outcomes:
We had a glimpse of the psychological impact of Meghan's story - what the suppression of her discomfort with the media's coverage of her was doing to her mental health. The inability to defend yourself or seek clarification can increase stress, a sense of helplessness, and a lack of agency. If something doesn't feel or look right, complain and explain until something is done about it; otherwise, you and your mental health will pay the price of suppressing your grievances.
Secondly, whether interpersonal or within a community, the absence of explanation and communication can lead to misunderstanding and a breakdown of trust. Effective communication is vital for any healthy relationship. If Meghan and Harry hadn't complained and explained to the general public what was going on, the media would have continued on their tour of character assassination and misinformation to the general public.
We do know from history that complaints are often the first step toward making positive changes. When people voice concerns, it can lead to a dialogue about addressing these issues, leading to societal improvements. Without complaints, there could be a lack of incentive to address problems and implement solutions. Social improvement stagnation is what you get from 'never complain, never explain'.
And suppose individuals are conditioned not to communicate their troubles or explain their actions. In that case, it undermines the social fabric and erodes the support system that binds people together. Thank Goodness someone complained and explained the effect of slavery and colonization on the people who were subject to these dehumanized treatments.
The big thing British people are experiencing now and don't even know is Cultural Conformity. This mantra leads to a culture where conformity is valued over individuality. We know that creativity and innovation often emerge from questioning the status quo, so stifling dissent could hinder progress and adaptation to some sections of the population. No doubt, this mantra firmly holds the British people's ability to think outside the group-think mentality promulgated in popular news outlets.
When complaining is done constructively, it can be a tool for personal growth. It can help individuals recognize their needs, set boundaries, and work towards solutions. If complaining is discouraged, this avenue for personal development is lost. In a public family like the royal family, which is funded by taxpayers' money, the public has a right to know about the grievances of members of the family - considering the job that the public pays for is for their existence. The public should be made aware of unconscious biases, abuses, and the health of the members of that family, the heads of state.
In a democratic society, transparency and accountability are cornerstone principles. If leaders adopt a policy of 'never complain, never explain, it obscures processes and decision-making from public scrutiny, which can brew corruption and a disconnect between the government and its citizens. The capacity to explain one's actions or positions plays a significant role in resolving conflicts. A population encouraged never to explain would struggle to resolve disputes effectively, potentially leading to heightened animosities or unresolved tensions.
Finally, on a personal level, the little boy or the little girl who may have heard about the abuse Meghan Markle and Prince Harry endured for speaking out might decide to take their own lives instead of complaining and explaining the abuse they may be experiencing. Parents everywhere should encourage children and young people to air their grievances and dirty laundry in public if the alternative is taking their own lives because they can't cope with the pain of injustice and abuse. Sometimes, it is easier to tell a stranger - as many strangers as possible in the hope that someone will believe you, instead of telling the uncle or the sister of the abuser in private.
While moderation in complaining and over-explaining might be valuable traits, thoroughly conditioning a population to 'never complain, never explain' could harm mental and social coherence, governance, personal and collective growth, and general societal wellbeing.
The Danger of Never Complain, Never Explain
L J Louis is an aspiring international trade lawyer, writer, foodie, mother, and women's advocate with a fitness and health promotion diploma, a double-major degree in psychology and criminology and a Bachelor of Law(Hons LLB) degree.
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